More About The Worst Belief Ever}

Submitted by: Carl Buchheit

by Carl Buchheit, co-founder of NLP Marin, training director and lead facilitator.

Recorded in 2008


I really enjoyed the last newsletter When Reality Gets Ahead of Identity – When You Make Wonderful Changes and Feel Worse Than Ever, the question comes out of that article at the very end you wrote, We dont want the changes in clients lives to get too far out ahead of their beliefs


Not of their beliefs of their identity.


So, basically I have two questions:

1. How did change happen if something wasnt happening with the beliefs already?

2. Then how do you pace that? How do you make sure those two are happening in a way that doesnt cause all kinds of trouble?


OK. The changes happen anyway because of really, really, really good work. So, the client has that foundational belief, one form of it or another. The most dangerous thing I can do is assume that I am safe, or, the most lonely thing I can do is experience being loved and wanted, or one of those. That kind of foundational limitation reaches so widely and so deeply into just about every other belief, every other decision, every other experienceall of the rest of the persons life across time. It has tendrils that reach into everything.

If we could grab hold of that belief, lets say we had some kind of special little clamp or tool, and we could pull that belief up out of the persons system, in accordance with what they wanted, we would probably rip the whole system apart in the course of doing it. So, what I do is find ways to revise the behavior and capabilityout-picturing the experience of the quality of the persons life in terms of their relationships or their job or their work, and still allow that other belief to be there.

Its essential for their safety that they feel so unsafe.

At a certain point then, we finally reach a point where something has to give. Either they have to undo everything theyve accomplished thats so positive and so useful (in terms of quality of life and accomplishment), or we just have to revise the belief that says the most dangerous thing I can do is assume that I am safe.

There is such devotional patterning in that beliefIf I cant be safe with you, (whoever the childs consciousness is speaking to), If I cant be safe with you, I will not be safe anywhere, ever, I promise. Now, that always corresponds with a childhood experience, an experience in the house that is beyond imagining in terms of its threat and its danger, and its damage. I mean just extraordinary ugliness. When those two go together, the more ugly it is, the more devoted and pure the love will be. That then produces the belief the most dangerous thing I can do is assume that I am safe, and the assertion the most loving thing I can do is never assume that I am safe.

In fact, in the course of writing that article, I noticed that we have to be pretty good at getting someone out in front of that belief, so identity gets in front of the belief. I had just recently done a number of sessions with people who are so stuck there. Their lives are so good and they are so freaked, because theyre lives are so good, and they cant get that to make sense.

So part two [of the article] will be unpacking the worst belief in the world – the most dangerous thing I can do is assume that I am safe.

That ones so much fun to adjust because, of course the safer the person gets, the more in danger they become.

Best, Carl

2008 Carl Buchheit and NLP Marin

About the Author: Carl Buchheit, MA, has been the Training Director at NLP Marin (

) since 1993, and has deeply been involved with NLP for over thirty years. Informal calculations suggest that Carl has probably taught more NLP classes, and worked with more clients, than any other teacher/practitioner.


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