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Submitted by: Lucy O’Brien
The first step to enable you to succeed at dating is to know what you want from a relationship. If you don’t know what makes you happy in a relationship, then how on earth do you ever expect to find it? When you know what you want from a relationship then you just need to know how to get your needs met. The key to all this is a scary little word – vulnerability. If you think vulnerability is about being weak and feeble, think again. Vulnerability, when used in the right way, is your strength and will empower you to get the fabulous relationship that you desire.
So, how does vulnerability work in dating and relationships? Vulnerability is NOT about letting him walk all over you. It is about being able to express your needs and preferences to your date or partner in an open, honest and mature way. In other words, it is perfectly OK to say what you want and how you feel. However, there are some provisos to this.
Firstly you have to accept that your boyfriend is not obliged in any way to meet your needs. Once your needs are “out there”, you are exposing yourself to the risk of rejection and have to be mature enough to deal with this. You hope that he will want to meet your requests or at least compromise on meeting them. If he is completely unwilling or unable to meet your preferences on a regular basis, then the fact that you are in possession of this information empowers you to make the right decisions concerning your future together.
In the early stages of dating, it seems that you have to be so careful about what you say to the new man in your life. One wrong move and it can all be over as quickly as it started. Therefore, it is always a good idea to take your time to get to know a man and find out whether he has the potential to be a good partner and if he is looking for the same things as you in a relationship. Don’t open yourself up too soon. If you start bombarding him with your needs and preferences before he has a chance to know you, he will see you as needy and demanding.
Keep the relationship fun and relaxed early on and do not allow yourself to attach too quickly. Let him show some signs that he is falling for you before you start to test the waters on what he is looking for in the future. If you experience the dreaded withdrawal response, be prepared to handle this appropriately. He may need time to assess how he feels about your requests. Pull back and wait for him to come after you again.
Your reaction to his response is very important when you are letting him know what you want. Don’t forget that he will have needs of his own and will be looking for you to meet some of these too if the relationship is to move forward. Let him know that his needs are important to you and you are not trying to force yours upon him.
By allowing yourself to express what you want within a relationship, albeit in a slow, controlled manner, you find out if the man you are dating is a potential partner or somebody that you should let go early. Be strong and stick to your principles in order to find the relationship that you are looking for. Your honesty and vulnerability can be most attractive to a man, bringing out his protective nature and letting him know that you are a woman who is to be respected and desired.
When you can express your needs appropriately, you are much more likely to get them met. A mature man will happily meet your reasonable needs when you appreciate what he does for you and when you are willing to meet some of his own needs. This is a win-win situation. When you have this information at your disposal and are able to use it wisely, you can take responsibility for your feelings and getting your needs met. You are strong enough to cope with rejection when you value getting the relationship you want above settling for just any man. Your vulnerability empowers you to succeed at dating and find the loving relationship that you desire.
About the Author: What is the one thing that you absolutely must know to get from dating to a relationship? If you can’t handle this then you will almost certainly experience repeated dating failure. Visit
datingtorelationshipadvice.com/DatingRelationshipTipsHelp/FromDatingToARelationship.html
to find out
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